Just This Once
by MirrorDede
Summary: Break ends up spending the night at Gilbert's place, and 'things happen' between them in bed, leaving both men feeling used and lonely. Some mature content, lots of angst.


**Summary:** Break ends up spending the night at Gilbert's place, and 'things happen' between them in bed, leaving both men feeling used and lonely. Some mature content, lots of angst.

**Words:** 2370

**Rating:** NC-17ish

**Writer's note:** Thanks to total_alias for beta reviewing. This is my attempt at filling a certain kink meme request.

"Two characters of anons choice end up sleeping together once but agree they're are only filling a physical need, so there are no strings attached. One of them ends up getting upset despite themselves, depressed as a result of losing that closeness while also feeling used.

OP just wants angst, though anon can give it a happy ending with the char they slept with or another character if they want. I would prefer if the upset character was either Gilbert or Oz as they seem the most likely to accept the idea of casual sex but end up being shattered by it later, but anyone character is good (Break could work too)"

[and of course I made this more difficult for myself by having two characters being angsty about it, not just one]

**Just This Once**

The day started out like any typical day when Xerxes Break paid a visit to Gilbert's apartment in Reveille. The two men would usually discuss the weather, Pandora business, and Gilbert's latest cooking experiment. And the whole time, Break would be either teasing Gilbert or doling out unsolicited and confusing advice to his young subordinate.

"I'm an adult now, you know?" grumbled Gilbert. "Quit treating me like a kid."

"Ah," said Break, unwrapping a lollipop. "Well, I can tease adults just as well as children, you know?" He put the lollipop in his mouth and began sucking it slowly.

Gilbert watched Break's lips envelop the candy and felt a stirring in his groin. _What the hell's wrong with me? _Indeed, since he'd reached puberty, the raven-haired man had been plagued by these sudden, unexpected episodes of arousal at times that were rarely convenient. He tried to cover the evidence of the swelling in his trousers with his arm, but his blushing cheeks gave him away.

"Is something wrong, Gilbert-kun?" asked the white-haired man, drawing his tongue out of his mouth to lick the red sucker in a manner that looked positively lascivious from Gilbert's point of view.

"N-Nothing." _I'm not attracted to this creepy old man. Why do I feel so…unngh?_

Break raised his eyebrows and leaned back in his chair, and then Gilbert noticed the bulge in the other man's trousers, and how he tried to hide it with a swish of a long floppy sleeve. Gilbert let out a breath he didn't know he was holding and glanced over at the clock on the wall.

"It's late," Gilbert said, partly to change the subject, and partly because he was half-hoping Break would get the hint it was time to leave.

"Oh, Gilbert-kun," said Break. "I forgot to tell you that my carriage broke down on the way here. I actually walked the last mile. The driver will be arranging for another carriage to pick me up tomorrow morning. So if you don't mind my company for the night…"

"I only have one bed," stated Gilbert, eyebrows furrowed.

"It's a fairly good size one, as I recall?"

Gilbert nodded and sighed. He wanted to light a cigarette, but his matches were across the room and he didn't want to get up.

"I'm sorry to inconvenience you. I don't smell - if you're worried about that." Break sniffed his armpits. "At least, I didn't think I did," he muttered under his breath.

()

A couple hours later, Break was in Gilbert's bed wearing a pair of borrowed pajamas. Gilbert blew out the candle and climbed in alongside of him.

"Good night, Gilbert-kun…" Break said sweetly.

"G'night," Gilbert mumbled, rolling over on his side, his back to the older man.

Twenty minutes later, Break was still tossing and turning and Gilbert reached over and smacked blindly at his bed mate, hitting him in the stomach.

"Would you stop all that thrashing, Break? I can't sleep."

"Sorry, but…"

A long silence passed between them, then Gilbert couldn't stand it anymore.

"Sorry but what?"

"I'm uh…mmm…I can't really explain it in words."

"You're so fucking cryptic it drives me crazy, Break."

Break slid over close to Gilbert and pressed his body against him.

"I'm cold," he said.

The younger man froze when he felt something pressing against his buttocks through his pajamas.

"Forgive me," Break said, breathing on the back of his neck. "I'm also…a-a little distracted by something."

Gilbert spent a moment feeling mildly horrified, then felt his own arousal swell again, and without thinking, turned to face his bed partner in the dark and pulled him closer. _What the hell am I doing? _thought Gilbert, his actions controlled by an instinct which frightened him. He could smell the other man's breath and the mint leaves he'd chewed before bed, and he wasn't sure how it happened, but suddenly their lips were touching, just barely. Tentatively, they explored each other's mouths with their own, and Gilbert was surprised at how hesitant Break was being about it. In fact, he noticed the older man was now shaking all over.

"Are you alright?" Gilbert asked, pressing his hand against Break's cheek.

"It's just that…I-I've never done this with anyone before, " Break said quietly.

Unable to see the white-haired man, Gilbert almost forgot for a moment that he was sharing a bed with that irritating clown, Xerxes Break.

"Perhaps we could…help each other relax, Gilbert-kun? Then afterwards I think I could sleep and not bother you."

Gilbert had only half an idea of what the other man might have in mind, but he suspected it would resolve the tension he felt in his groin, so he agreed.

"Just this once."

"Yes, just this once."

He wrapped his hand around the back of Break's neck and pulled his lips into his. The older man responded by reaching under Gilbert's pajamas and stroking his warm back with cold hands. Within moments, both were naked from the waist down.

"Don't think you can get me in bed with you like this every time you come over here, Break."

"Of course not. We're just filling a physical need here, that's all…"

_I just want to get this over with,_ thought Gilbert.

Frustrated by Break's unwillingness to take the lead, Gilbert pushed him on his back and crawled on top of him. He pressed himself against the other man and slid up and down, their erections side by side. He felt Break's hands lightly touching his waist as he thrust madly for the both of them. A moment later he heard the other man's breath quicken and felt a warm, wet sensation appear between them, soon followed by his own shuddering release.

()

When Gilbert awoke the next morning, Break was already gone, and fairly recently, too. He could tell because there was still a spot of lingering warmth on the side where he'd slept. _That's good he's gone_, thought Gilbert. _I don't know if I could have faced him this morning after what we did. _Heran his fingertips over the warm spot on the bed and suddenly - he was choking back unexpected tears. He got up, went to the bathroom and tried to distract himself from the ache in his heart. _I just needed that. Yesterday. Needed the release. That's all it was._ He splashed water on his face and dried off with a towel. He looked at himself in the mirror and saw the pain behind his eyes. _Break used me. It was his idea. He seduced me and used me._

Gilbert took his towel, rolled it up and slammed it against the sink. "Break is always using me!" he said out loud_. This time was no different from any other time he's used me to achieve some goal of his. In fact, this whole thing was probably a cunning plan of his to get me in the sack. The carriage breaking down – that was probably a lie. Hell, he was probably even lying about it being his first time_.

He went into the living room, found his smokes and matches and lit up a cigarette. As soon as the cigarette touched his lips he remembered the kisses they'd shared and he let out a couple of involuntary sobs. Wrapping his arms around himself, he remembered the feeling of closeness and warmth. _How nice that was_.

Meanwhile, Break was in a carriage, riding back to Rainsworth manor. He'd been feeling edgier than usual ever since he'd awoken, but hadn't been able to make sense of his feelings until the carriage hit the dirt road just out side of town.

_How nice that was,_ he thought, remembering the feeling of the other man's skin touching his own. _I've been trying to convince myself that I don't need or want that sort of closeness in my life. _He pressed his hand against the back of his neck, and rubbed a kink where he'd slept on it wrong, then remembered Gilbert's hand there, and how he'd pulled him closer. _Now that I've had a taste of such intimacy, it seems a terrible shame that I should continue to go without it, yet… I agreed with Gilbert it would just be that one time. _He pressed his lips together, his brow furrowed anxiously, then he rested his face in his hand._ He took advantage of my inexperience and used me, just to satisfy himself! _

()

The next day the two saw each other at a Pandora meeting and they both tried to avoid each other's gaze.

_I'm so pissed off at him for using me_, thought Gilbert, glancing at Break from across the room. _At the same time, I just want to…hug him. What the hell?_

_I wish he'd deign to look at me,_ thought Break. _I'm obviously not worthy of his time since he already got what he wanted from me_.

When Pandora business went late as it often did, Gilbert usually spent the night at Rainsworth manor. And typically this meant he rode in a carriage with Break. This time was no exception. Gilbert sat down across from the older man, who smiled and bowed from his seat.

"How is Gilbert-kun?" Break asked.

"Mm," Gilbert mumbled, taking out a cigarette. "You left early. Yesterday morning."

"Yes, I had agreed to meet the carriage just after 8 o'clock. Actually I was late…" he took Emily off his shoulder and put his hands over her ears, then whispered, "You kept me up quite past my bedtime, Gilbert-kun!" He smiled and tried to wink.

Gilbert lit his cigarette and looked out the window.

"The whole thing was your idea."

Break frowned. _He really didn't want to do that with me, did he?_

Gilbert continued,

"You were the one who made up that story about needing to spend the night."

"It wasn't a made up story…" Break countered. "The carriage really did break down."

"But you didn't have to sleep in my bed. You could have slept on the couch."

"I-I didn't know that was an option…you didn't offer…"

"You just _assumed_ you could sleep in my bed. I wasn't going to bother arguing with you, Break." _It's useless to argue with you._

Break was silent a moment, lost in his thoughts. _Gilbert thinks I'm just a disgusting, weird old man. I should never have allowed my guard down with him, and shown him that…that side of myself_…

Gilbert blew a puff of smoke between them.

"You were so desperate to…do all that…"

"I was not!" Break protested, squeezing Emily tightly. "You were quite aggressive about kissing me, and you even climbed right on top of me toward the end! You were totally using me for your own selfish purposes!"

Gilbert stared at Break.

"I-I was not! You were the one who was seducing me with th-that lollipop trick!"

"What lollipop trick?"

Gilbert blushed.

"A-And you made up that stuff about it being your first time…"

"It _was_ my first time," Break said quietly.

Gilbert looked at Break's offended expression and couldn't think of anything else to say.

"You were complaining about my thrashing," Break continued, "and I thought if we did…_that_, it would help me relax enough to sleep - that's all. I was only thinking of your welfare, Gilbert-kun."

"I don't believe you," Gilbert said, pointing at him with his cigarette. "That's not like you. You only ever think of yourself."

"Right!" Break smiled his best fake smile. "I was only thinking of myself. Right Emily?"

"That's right! You're a man who only thinks of himself!" echoed Emily.

_You contemptible old coot,_ Gilbert thought, gritting his teeth and glaring at the other man. Break scowled to hide his sorrow.

The two sat in silence for the rest of the journey. Once inside the manor, they went quietly down the hall toward their respective rooms, until Break touched Gilbert's shoulder and said,

"Gilbert-kun, if you get cold or something and want to come to my room later, you're welcome to." He grinned an unnaturally wide grin that left Gilbert feeling like he was being ridiculed once again.

Gilbert shrugged the hand off his shoulder, and went into his room and shut the door. The feeling of having been touched on the shoulder lingered even after he took off his coat and shirt. He scratched at it with his fingers but he couldn't get rid of the feeling. It wasn't just a physical feeling; there was an emotion he could hardly even identify with words. He stepped into the shower hoping to wash the feeling away, but ended up sobbing into the stream of falling water.

Meanwhile, Break was tossing and turning in bed. _I was fine until I did that with Gilbert. I should never have done it. It did nothing but make me feel more…lonely_. He twisted the bed sheet around himself tightly, and propped pillows around himself, imagining they were people, and eventually fell asleep, his body tied in a knot, tangled up in the sheets.

After a long shower Gilbert got into his pajamas, but knew he wasn't going to be able to sleep. He opened the door to his room and stepped out in to the hall, then found himself walking towards Break's room. He expected the door to be shut and locked, but to his surprise, it was left ajar. It was dark in the room, but he had a candle to see with. He pushed the door open and tiptoed over to the other man's bed and found him buried in between pillows and sheets. He put the candle on the bed side table and leaned over the bed until he could see part of his face, half-buried behind a shock of white bangs. His lips were parted slightly and his breathing was even and regular – obviously fast asleep.

Gilbert pushed aside one of the pillows and climbed in bed beside Break, and pressed his back against his. _Just this once, _he thought, feeling the warmth of the other man seep slowly into his body. He exhaled deeply and closed his eyes, relaxing into slumber, unsure of what the next day would bring, but knowing he didn't really need to face it entirely alone.

END


End file.
